surrender is not defeat

You have to start somewhere, they say.

We both know we’ve started, and it is more a question of which direction to guide the momentum.  were flowing and growing in that direction, or in the other.  a little push here, and strong tug, a dissolving, a reforming.

It’s not the words exactly, at least that is what she said.  It was more like the conference of beauty and underworld and understanding and heaven and earth and art.  we’re all here, waiting. water and pills  and meditations and dreams and anger.  and three square meals a day.  and that slight pain if your shoulder. empty and full.

i read his story, he sued them for what the drug had done to his body.  i saw myself there, dialing the number for health canada to report my own losses, and imagined how anyone could be sure.  that was always my question: how are you so sure?  especially when there is ridicule, and boundary, and misguided compassion.

until it occurred to me, that sureness sometimes was more of a decision and sometimes it was intuition, and sometimes it was being unafraid of the consequences.  accepting the gravest of danger, and knowing that everything is crumbling and growing at the same time.  everything.  and that no matter what so will i.  crumble and grow.

so now i am less afraid of the consequences.

and we both know well now that surrender is not defeat.


spring momentum

It’s Friday, and Buddy the yellow lab is curled up at my feet beside the door of the bus.   My back is pressed up against our “weekly schedule” chalkboard, likely leaving chalk on my back and erasing all the tasks of this past week.  Seb is busy making warm potato-arugula salad, one of our favourites.  Chicks are here now, 150 of them, and we’ve been drinking milk from Audrey the American Milking Devon cow for about a week.  Today is the first day of dandelion smoke, seeds floating through the air, across the fields.  As we walk through the fields our shoes and the paws of dogs turn yellow with dandelion pollen. Last night we saw our first bats.

Thistles have appeared in the field, telling us of compaction; threatening to sting my partly-calloused feet.  Onions, parsnips, celery, cabbage, kale, and many other things were planted this week; spinach, carrots, peas, broccoli and more are thriving.  Weeds, especially twitchgrass are rampant.  Our first two groups came to help out at the farm.  They stacked piles and piles of wood, helped us clear out the area around our bus, planted onion sets, and more.  Seb and I planted 17 large plums and pears- 8 at the farm, and 9 in my parent’s backyard.  All of the other fruit trees that we had kept at Green Being Farm are now planted here in a nursery- cherries, saskatoon berries, hazelnuts, artic kiwis, and more.  Two of our buff orpington ducks are sitting on their eggs- with any luck we’ll have ducklings the first week of June.

Racoons are rampant, some of them sick.  Barn cats have popped their heads out of hiding; curious about the chicks in their midst.  Nettles, leeks, chives, shittake mushrooms, and fiddleheads grace our meals.  Water in the creek is cool and clear.  Spring is here indeed.

2012-05-01 12.44.25 2012-05-01 12.58.26 2012-05-08 15.58.47 2012-05-09 11.10.32 2012-05-10 05.26.37 2012-05-10 05.36.37 2012-05-10 05.41.59 2012-05-13 13.09.26 2012-05-13 13.10.17 2012-05-13 14.12.15 2012-05-14 09.11.46 2012-05-14 13.16.23 2012-05-14 13.45.42 2012-05-14 14.32.41 2012-05-15 12.29.21 2012-05-15 14.14.07 2012-05-15 14.14.16 2012-05-15 15.17.05 2012-05-16 08.27.55 2012-05-16 10.12.16 2012-05-17 08.40.32 2012-05-17 11.49.46 2012-05-17 12.10.53 2012-05-17 12.53.53


each evening we retreat to the woods

where calm and quiet and woodstove

and brook

sing soft sweet soothing sounds


in the morning we emerge

from peace

into chaos

from rest

into exhaustion

from green

into brown, cold, lagging spring.


let us return again

creek flowing sleep

billowing hemp dreams

warm wool slumber

trout lily morning






Yome Wasn’t Built in a Day!

The greenhouse begins!

The greenhouse begins!

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Framing the greenhouse

Framing the greenhouse


Finally done the greenhouse doors!

Finally done the greenhouse doors!


The finished greenhouse, and a Saturday morning sunrise

The finished greenhouse, and a Saturday morning sunrise

Laying out the land

Laying out the land

2012-04-06 17.05.04

The best helpers in the world!

The best helpers in the world!

2012-04-07 14.12.43 2012-04-07 16.01.54 2012-04-07 16.21.46

Finally level!

Finally level!

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Construction underway

Construction underway

the Yome roof!

the Yome roof!

Some of our seedlings!
heating bed in the greenhouse

heating bed in the greenhouse and some of our seedlings (and red wiggler worms!)

The spring floods begin...

The spring floods begin… water is getting closer and closer to our new home

inside view

inside view.  

Yome sweet yome!

Yome sweet yome!

The farm’s progress since April 1.  Thanks to everyone who came out to help Saturday, that was one of the most fun work-parties ever and a great start to a new farm and home!  We finally succeeded in putting up our new home, called a Yome (yurt-dome).  We also have a brand new, beautiful greenhouse!


out in the garden

In the spirit of the new farming season here’s the one farmy song I wrote last season.  I recorded it to send to some friends who are going to sing some harmonies with me on this song at the cornerstone in Guelph in a couple weeks!

Hooray for new singing buddies, new farms, and spring (which really is coming, I know it!)!

Also- if you like farming, and think organic farming is helpful to the planet, please please please join an April 9 rally to stop genetically modified alfalfa: Click here for the full story!


“Why is GM Alfalfa Such a Huge Threat? GM contamination is inevitable because alfalfa is a perennial crop pollinated by insects. In Ontario, weeds are becoming resistant to glyphosate (the active ingredient in Monsanto’s herbicide Roundup): another glyphosate tolerant crop like Roundup Ready alfalfa would increase these weeds. Alfalfa is almost always grown in a mix with grasses and establishes readily without the use of herbicides. Farmers don’t want or need Roundup Ready alfalfa. If genetically modified (GM, also called genetically engineered or GE) alfalfa is released in Eastern Canada, it will have negative impacts on a wide range of farmers and farming systems, both conventional and organic. Click here for more information on GM alfalfa.

i want to be a good friend

As the time approaches for me to move onto the farm i start to feel worried about losing the new friendships that are just beginning to blossom in Guelph.  But i am so thankful that this time I won’t be moving so far!

For all those who know my “partners in crime” song, shortly after i wrote that song i met Seb, my partner in crime… so who knows what will happen after this song!

I think you will like it.  The words are below-and yes, they maybe could have been written by a 5 year old.   i don’t mind if you tell me that.  In case you wondered- I am singing with myself, but one day, my friends, I could sing this with YOU!

From me to you:

all of us are busy

i am busy too

doing important things we need to do

i want to be a good friend …

at the end of the day i’m still feeling alone

checkin emails waiting for the phone

i want to have a good friend…

all the lovely people i could have met

while i was moping alone playing with my cat

i want to meet a good friend…

sometimes im scared to leave my house

my tummy hurts, i start to shake

i feel small like a mouse

i have to find a good friend…

we could go for walks or skate or bike

we could do anything that we like

cuz you are my good friend…

i’ll send you cool music

you’ll write me a poem

i will paint you a picture

we’ll watch movies at home

cuz you are my good friend…

all of us are busy i am busy too

writing you songs that’s what i like to do

i want to be a good friend…