I’ve noticed, especially in the last year, how sensitive and thrown off I am by climate change. Sometimes I look at the most beautiful of skies in fear, when I used to look at them in awe. On days like today, where there is thaw when deep winter should be arriving, I fearfully wonder, “what is happening to us”. Nature always has been known to have elements of danger, unpredictabilities – but somehow this seems different than the fear of nature that past nature writers have written so eloquently about. This is a new fear (at least new to me) that most in my generation will be faced with. How do we move forward seeking the bliss of green, fresh air, open skies, when we sense this climate chaos so deeply and disturbingly.
Simultaneously, my own spirit, body, and mind are working through parallel challenges, struggling to overcome a chaos of their own. Currently I am doing a homeopathic treatment to counter the accutane treatment I recently wrote about. The many disturbances in my body seem to have been brought on by the similar forces that have brought upon these climate changes. And then there is always the question of destiny and purpose- what is the point of all this?
SO this is a what this song I have posted here speaks too. Please excuse the unpolished-ness of the songs I post here- For the moment I have decided not to dedicate huge amounts of my time to music and it’s perfection, rather I plan to create unpolished works of perpetual progress. One day, perhaps once farm and life are sorted, music will be given more hours of the week, more heart, more dedication. Until then, here’s to the first words and melodies that come out of me.
why won’t the sun come up this morning
why does my heart feel so stale
why can’t I get out of bed today
why do I feel like I’m chasing my tail
I said I didn’t want to feel this thing again
but here I am, here I am
I said I thought this thing would kill me
but here I stand, here I stand
why won’t the temperature stay below freezing
why has the snow all thawed on my lawn
are the creatures confused as I in their hiding
and all the birds in the river that should be gone
oh I’m afraid of the changes around me
oh I’m afraid of the changes within me