i am afraid

there are many reasons
why i am not afraid
but these are some of the reasons
why i am.

I am afraid for our world because the other day I watched someone put 2 dollars in a candy machine
and it ate their money
and the lady at the counter in the cafeteria said it wasnt her problem,
she said that she didnt know who owned the machine, but that it sure wasnt hers

I am afraid
because i got audited last year,
and i am 21 years old
and i don’t really know how to file my own taxes
i dont really know what i pay tax for

I am also afraid because in high school civics class
 they never really told us whose pockets my goverment’s hands were in
and on top of all that, i can’t seem to keep up with who is in power, what they are doing,
and who it is that says it is okay to do those things

i am afriad because when people find out i am interested in growing food organically
they say to me, “well that’s great, but it can’t feed the world”
they say to me, “good for you” then feel ashamed because they dont eat organic food
and my head explodes
and all i can think about is food waste, the lack of research into the good food movement,
and how everyone thinks it is outrageous to pay 4 dollars for a head of local organic cabbage
when they might spend 2 dollars on one cup of coffee from cheap ethiopian beans,
shipped to china to be packaged,
then flown to california to be re-packaged,
then bought by tim hortons
and trucked here there and everywhere
(or whatever)

I am afriad
 because today i walked three hours to protest a large corporation taking millions of litres from the local aquifir,
making money from something that does not belong to them
and only 30 of us were there marching to say “hey hey, ho ho, bottled water has got to go”

I am afriad because everyone is so busy (myself included),
busy with what?

I am afraid because not long ago i asked a lady why she was opposed to wind turbines
and she huffed and puffed for a moment, but never did say exactly why

i have a friend who spent an entire summer looking under wind turbines looking for dead birds
as a research project
and he didn’t find any

But even if he had, isn’t one dead bird nothing compared to the environmental effects of pumping oil
here there and everywhere
then spilling it on horrible occasion in beautiful oceans?

i am afraid because the other day i was hitchiking home
and the man who was driving asked me if it was okay that he drink and drive
AFTER we had gotten on the highway
THEN he told me about his 4 daughters and wife
and when he dropped me off he said he was headed to a crackhouse
“dont do crack” he said to me

i am afraid because bees are dying
and because there are lies in every aisle of the grocery store

i am afraid because “natural” could mean genetically modified

and “made in canada” could very well mean “mostly grown in china”

i am afraid because if someone finds my home, they might tell me to leave
then where would i go?
after breathing real air for so long
i cannot imagine being anywhere else

there are many reasons
why i am not afraid
why i am hopeful
for just about everything
but these are some of the reasons
why i am afraid.

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